Laughter angle-3

Along with cricket , let me look at some of the issues that created a buzz in the media in the recent past.

Ramsethu :

This is the bridge which ,according to Hindu mythology, was believed to be constructed by lord Rama &co. long back between India and Sri Lanka. Probably the bridge was build only for one up and down journey(to get Sita back) and hence it is partly ruined coming into the present modern era, giving scope for speculations whether it is man-made or naturally formed. Archaeological Survey of India (ASI) did some experiments and after taking few readings concluded that it is not man-made and revealed the same to govt. which then gave a green signal to Dredging corporation of India to remove the remaining's of Rama's construction as it reduces the distance between east and west coasts for the ships which are used to circumnavigate Sri Lanka.

As this is a project involving lumps of money and a few regional benefits, Tamil nadu govt. , dis reputing the beliefs and faiths of millions, is firing all guns to get the project done and the chief minister, who is an atheist himself went on saying following

“Who is that Rama? In which engineering college did he graduate to becomeanengineer? When did he build that bridge? Is there any evidence [to show thathebuilt Ram Sethu]? No.”
Source: Frontline.

A reply from VHP would be along the lines --He is the son of Dasrath maharaj and graduated from school of ocean engineering with specialization in building bridges across oceans.

Power transfer fiasco in K'taka :-

This is a gentleman's deal between the 2 parties BJP and JD(s), that were the part of coalition govt, to rule the state for equal time periods. After their reign, JD(s) said a 'no' to hand over the baton to BJP. As if all the political parties are ethical and politicians live up to their words, the leaders of BJP termed it as worst ever betrayal.

Now an interesting question is: why did JD(s) refused to step down :-

1)They love to serve the people .
2)This would enforce elections and they would be the front runners as the local polls suggested it.
3)As they are humans and that too politicians, they are obsessed with power and their egos acted as barrier.
4)They did not get their due 'returns'.Whatever the answer is, I do not see any other political party to do otherwise as no politician is ready to say 'come brother, have my seat! '.

G.O. 610 in A.P :

This is an order to filter out non-locals from a region (intended for telangana ) , so that native people will alone get the jobs . While the world over is pining for diversity in the domain , here is an order intended against it. And whatever progress they are looking for by implementing this order is unrealistic as Hyderabad would have never attained its present shape without people pouring in from different parts of the state. Its equal to U.S. issuing a G.O. 420 and asking the Indians to pack their baggage and catch the next flight back home.

On a personal front, this Sunday I have been to a marriage ceremony in the nearby town. While I was not a big fan watching those lengthy rituals, I attend a function for the dinner section.This time around I had no choice than to remain in the function hall for the whole day as the relatives are closer to us. So, after lunch I spend time with an uncle , who is another cricket fanatic, and as a habit we checked the score to find Indians on track chasing the mammoth total. We began to grow restless unable to find a T.V to watch live action. He then went out for a smoke and I accompanied him . While all the retail outlets were closed, we found a thin population watching from outside a barber shop which is playing live cricket. He said " mmm let's go" . It's not a gesture of his kind as he held high self-regard (ask his sons, they piss in front of him) and here he penetrated through the crowd and stood by the door for 40 minutes. He left after the fall of second wicket and I continued till the end. Watching Andrew Symonds bowl on a T.V. in a barber shop , I wondered how this bloke get his hair cut. May be a string at a time.

Some facts about Aussies:

*More than injuries to themselves ,we often find them in news because of their injured spouses.
*Despite their sledging and rough appearance they held moral high ground when it comes to looking after their diseased wives and small kids.
*Aussies party harder after a defeat as it is rare to come by. No doubt, Symonds got irritated by the Indian celebrations after their T20 victory.
*If India has Big3 ,they have Big11 (physically and otherwise).

As Sreesanth continues to play a jerry withs the toms of world cricket , a gripping contest would be between him and Shoaib Akthar 'with a bat in his hand'. If a mocking smile ensued a bruised thigh, then piercing looks ,am-going -to-munch-you type of provocations will be dealt with??

dushka ...dushka...damaal...dush....dush ......dhab (body crest fallen).
This is how a back ground score sounds like.

Cricket Rewind

The ongoing one day series between England and India reach the final stage , with England on the verge of a revenge and Indian men set to embark on the Titanic. Tests in England are generally calm, owing to its gentle audience -who maintain pin-drop silence , applaud only through claps for either sides and produce standing ovations not only for players but also for themselves to flex their muscles after hours of inactivity. Whereas in the one day matches , the Indian diaspora which flock to the stadia makes noise much to the disgust of any teacher and the situation gets only worse in India. With Indian masses not bound to embrace the refined English citizens even in the near future, Indianness lies closer to the one day arena and , of late ,the boxer form of the game-Twenty20. Now ,what can the poor fans do other than to expect for the tidal turn over.

I would like to mull over another lengthy 7 match series between India and West Indies in 2002, not for any special rhyme or reason but for the last match which was held in our home city. You earn the credentials to talk about the passion for the game when it gets closer to you.
The craze grow to frenzy with both teams levelled 0n 3-3 and the game scheduled on a Sunday.
Prior to a week,the main road running through the city was embellished with decoration bulbs never like before. It was a festival handed over by BCCI , accepted by ICC, organised by our municipal corporation and celebrated by people. Nothing can describe the euphoria better than the ticket sales. With the pavilion tickets reserved for VIP s and corporates ,the bulk of the rest booked by the educational institutions , only 2000 were left for common man which had vanished in a blink of an eye. Faced with the ire of bulk bookings , the officials retraced 5000 tickets and put them on public sale. Men collected at the stadium in large numbers and seeing the desperation , the Commissioner of Police stationed himself to issue tokens to first 5k fortune bearers. Others ,on whose faces disappointment was writ large were sent back.

Some features of the match :

* Marlon Samuels blew the wind out of Indian players with his maiden century filled with 5 sixers and healthy contributions from Sarwan and Hinds meant India has to chase down a target of 300 plus.

*The cannon balls from Jermaine Lawson were hardly visible to audience on square boundaries as were to 4 Indian top order batsmen.

* That Sir Viv Richards became child Viv Richards ,jumping around in his chair and fist-pumping, upon Dravid's early dismissal which virtually ended India's hopes.

* Kaif and Yuvraj couldn't replicate the Natwest final heroics and Yuvraj who ran out of partners struck an entertaining innings in the end.

The day after , a friend named Chakradhar came to the class and started narrating the following story with a glow in his eyes :

" You know ,I spend the Saturday evening with players in the hotel. They are all very friendly and mixed freely with me. I took autographs from almost all the players and photographs of them by the side of me. Dravid went upstairs early with a ground map. I was said that the cells in his focus gets activated from the night before a match. Yuvraj and Kaif were jovial with me and Agarkar and others were quick to respond to my requests .An ex-Windies fast bowler came to the groin of mine. Sorry reverse. For my brains and the night time, all Windies players looked more or less similar. So , I couldn't exactly describe my intimacy with each of them. In the end I got more autographs from the Windies players. "

" Nice story ra ."

" And you were a member of playing XI ."

" You know, we even screamed Chakri ! Chakri ! from the stands when you opened innings with Sehwag . "

"-----------------------------
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The personnel surrounding short putted his hitherto bright filaments, unexcited by his appeared -to-be-fiction on a dull Monday morning. He ran back home that after noon and brought those pieces of evidences to silent his critics. The bottom story being that he is the son of a cop and some how sneaked through to party with players.

Laughter angle - Part 2

Some snippets:-

- The other day we were laughing our tears out to a witty cracker. A studious guy who heard the joke gave a wide grin for a second and then contorted the smile by crushing his cheeks between the teeth. When asked about the reason for this evasive measure , he said " Those who laugh harder will cry even harder" , a crap statement in its own front. Rest of the day we guffawed for no reason, tickled him every time and got some dirty looks .

- Last week a software company conducted a off- campus interview in our college which attracted 1200 students from 10 colleges around Vijayawada. The selection took place across 3 days and only 16 were shortlisted for the final H.R interview. After the final round they left without declaring the result. Here raised the eyebrows - if none from 1200 (not all are futile) was palatable , its intriguing to know the standard of their employees. May be all Einsteins and Newtons in the world are working over there , defying logics of sort ' why apple fall on ground' . One would be forced to think whether they are selecting a high-tech coolie or a coach to TeamIndia. If not on Earth ,lets hope someone from Jupiter will fulfill their requirements.

- Our 2-2 result was out and my score in maths was displayed as 15( out of 70) , kick starting traumatic phase. I used to wipe for the unconquered 10 when I scored a 90 in maths during my school. But with age your priorities change and after wading through all the tests since my childhood , I no longer has fire in the belly to perform in these endless exams but there's no let-up in getting less than 25% in maths. So, I thought of doing an Alok in Five point someone but couldn't find a ten storey building around and eventually deferred the act. ( I was so fond of this book that, along with other reasons, the 3 characters in the story really inspired me to screw my marks and that's where a loser gets his inspiration from - other losers.)

Though these results depict the hard work and discipline of a person, there is much more in this world which is going unnoticed. I would rate a zealot who stood in the queue from the day before to catch Sahankar dada zindabad on first day much higher than the aggressor who scored a 80%. Despite the fact that reaping an 80 involves months of hardship , the manner in which they both went about their efforts is strikingly different. Whereas the hero-adulation is self-less and draws nothing in return, we adore books only to gain knowledge and earn moolah. A dictum in the holy 'Gita' states - commit yourself to the task without expecting the outcome. So, of these two, who will go to heaven?

- This Monday will mark the end of our assignments and recalling our MoU , both of us violated one or the other rule but the legal drawback is that there is no witness to this MoU. So, the case cannot hold its ground in the court and we left each other without filing suit.

Laughter angle

I reckon it as an angle from which our eyes peek through when our soul is drowned in bliss and peace. Here I put forth some such situations viewed from Laughter angle.

To shape up and ship us to a good software company which require cutting edge soft skills , we were being trained rigorously in group discussion (G.D) sessions which helds once a week. A typical G.D runs with 5-6 students crossing their words with each other -accepting a few , rejecting a few and finally emerging with a consensus or a solution to the given topic or caselet. Irrespective of the cast , the conclusion from most G.Ds revolves around govt. Some of the G.D topics and their final words which I came across :

Topic: Mumbai Blasts .
Conclusion : Govt. must prevent terrorists from commiting such acts.

T : Child labour.
C : Govt. must punish all those who hire child labourers.

T : Environment Management.
C : Govt. must take measures to save forests and alike.

T : Movies & youth.
C : Govt. must ban movies with objectionable stuff.

T : Education system.
C : Govt. must raise standards of education.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Govt. must eat for us and govt. must piss for us and what will we do ?
Sleep? eh right !

Disclaimer before a G.D: With our warm regrets to Lincoln ji - who stated govt. of the people, for the people and by the people - for the sake of our G.D's, its only govt. for the people.

In the flow,
T : U.S. war with Iraq.
C : Govt. must rescue Iraq from U.S.

Now a days industry is running after take overs and tie ups. I too, for my part, signed a memorandum of understanding ( MOU) with my friend. It read as follows :-

I, Mr. Naveen Kumar shall hereby abide the rules framed by Mr. Sameer Kumar in the best of our interests to secure more than 5 out of 7 in the upcoming assignments.
The rules :-

1.Free flow of knowledge from the enlightened to the ignorant (exams included).

2.Co-operation between both the parties with regards to exchange of text books etc. ( As
Mr. Sameer Kumar possess no extra text book other than those already held by Mr.Naveen Kumar, the former can only receive one from the latter).

3.No-talk and no-mischief during lectures.

Deliberate breaching of any of these rules by either of the parties shall be dealt with an appropriate fine.

Life in a student prison.

As the days surge on nudging me to the gateway of adolescence , I look past at my imprudent teenage , in specific, of the days in the disgusting world among student community -Sri Chaitanya.

Following were some of the whole lot of unique things that takes place in Chaitanya's self-sentenced jails(read it hostels).

The day begins with a deafening and acute siren at 5 am. Classes begins at 6 am.

For a given floor of hostel block ,if there are certain number of bathrooms, of them , only a few are well constructed . (Got screwed. But yes, each cubicle differs from other by space, disposal of taps ..etc .couldnt elaborate further). And only a very few are well constructed and well previously used .

A shrewd quality seeking customer sets his alarm at 4:55 am. A fierce competitor runs at once at 5 am. A rather light hearted one waits in front of a bathroom for half an hour to get his turn.

A sleep seeking customer sets off to classroom directly from the bed.

Dont prod onto these questions if you come across a hostler.

when did u last had your bath?

when did u last had your clothes washed?

Do u brush daily?

Some of the responses will baffle you enough to leave your mouth agape.

Now, the settings turns to the class room.

Lectures wont mind students sleeping in the class and equally rising to the task, students wont mind lecturers looking at them when they doze off.

Breakfast time arrives after a couple of virtual sleeping hours. Those who can really pump the mess tiffins slip past their tastebuds, throat and into the intestine , yawns one final time, oustretches the muscles and heads to the mess with plates and glasses.Others continue to sleep.

After the mess, sick rooms come into the play. Sick rooms are the places where students who are sick can take rest during class hours or study hours as they are not allowed to hostels at that time. Some dare devils ,after their appetite is satisfied but not satisfied with sleeping while sitting process in classes takes unwarranted advantage of the sick rooms for a complete lay off. They pretend any of the aches or any of the fevers. Their happy safari rolls on till a campus incharge discovers them of their deceit and knocks them out with a punch or two.

Lunch and dinner are feasible products. Hardly a few miss them. Dining capacity is less than the number to be dined. To complete in the first round , students become a part of unorganised sprint race between class room building and mess.

Campus incharges and wardens are interesting characters . They do the job which is quite known to them and we do the job which is known to both of us. They know very few study in the study hours. They know about sleeping unit of students. They know of our crookedness. They know a dragooned horse to a pond need not drink water. Finally they know we are reluctant to change our ways. After all , we are a bunch of freaks driven by sleep and powered by food.

Dharma Prasad sir(in short D.P) is one of the campus incharges. He finds himself in between the lines to issue out evening snacks. He passes some wretched comments on students. One of those:-

D.P : enti bhanu, skin tight esaav?!

Bhanu: Fashion sir...

D.P: Fashion tarvaatha , lopala maadipoddemo...

HAHAHAHA..A roar of laughter in the air. Not a reaction that is necessary for that mean joke. But jokes in jail are rare to crop up. So, better to make most of such 'jewels'.

I will put some more comic strips in my next post.

Disclaimer: The narration is essentially from a loser's perspective and differs diametrically from a scholastic approach to the same.

STAND ON THE BENCH

Well, one may conceive it as an old fashioned cliche we often hear,in particular, from our school teachers . Not always. Here is an account of ten clowns on bench in an Engg. graphics class.

To begin with, the master is a vintage worn typical old man in Safari , wizard in the field and a lizard when pecking students is the order. On any given day , a class of his hardly passes by without him hurling his characteristic lingo-scattered bashing sentences which mostly ends with the word 'only'.

The noble event transpired on that fateful day. He went on with his artistic work for half an hour peacefully . On the hindsight, its the time before the inundation. Chat busting in the class steadily peaked as is his blood pressure. His patience melted down and the ones in the last benches are his usual prey. Without opting for a straight forward bash , he decided to hammer on from gear one.

Sir: 'Last bench last person , stand up'

He posed a question on projection of lines (front view,rear view etc etc)

victim1: blinked with a blank face.

Sir: 'Second person, stand up'.

victim2: An attempt made to answer but in vain.

Sir: naaxt.

victim3:Its me. Goofed up big time in the attempt.

Sir: Intervened in the middle of my erratic answer and pointed towards the next person.

victim4:Stood fearlessly uttering a few words(he is well known for his merry-go-round persona )

Sir: A look at him and he pointed the next one.

victim5:no sir. (pretty naive)

Sir: Now the question passes to last person of other row.

From here the routine took a lighter note . The boys were less shyful and gave up easily.

victims 6,7,8,9,10 stood up in no time.

Then the question was answered by a friend who is best equipped in the whole class. Thank god .

He is the 11th one in the series. The rest of the class survived.

Sir: Came to us and ordered STAND ON THE BENCH.

victims1-10: puzzled looks and wry smiles.

Sir: STAND UP U FOOLS. U ARE ALL FOOLS OF S-11 ONLY .......his vernacular dig for
some time.

we were reluctant and he is equally resoluted to see us aloft. No way out. One by one got up.

victim8: Sir, ceiling fan may come on my way. (he is lanky )

Sir: Switch off that fan.

The solution for the exaggerated proposition.

Now, every one except victim 5 stood on bench. He is seriously looking into the book without giving a damn to his surroundings. In came a awakening thunderbolt from the old lion and he is on the bench in a flash.

Sir: I promise ,u all will beg on the streets only......second round .

After giving us another dose he cooled off and turned to the green board to draw a figure.
Big time for victim 4 to play a prank. As if its not enough standing on the bench, he scaled one step higher and stood on the writing desk. He then turned around , bent slightly and quivered his hips.

A slightest hint of the happenings at the back of the sir, am sure, the victim would have died. Though the honeymoon on the bench lasted for only ten minutes, it was like a night mare in the present tense and a fond one to delve on in the past tense.